I need help .. Im serverly depressed and i need meds?

hi, im a 15 yr old girl and im serverly depressed i havent been to a docter about this and i need to , i used to cut .. heres a bit of my life story .. everday i get told what a peice of **** i am how stupid i am . Ive had a gun held to my head 2 times by my dad ive been tazed twice for no reason ive been pushed down stairs and alot of other things i dont talk about. I freak out on people for no reason all i wanna do is sleep its like i can get away from everything , i think about ways i wanna kill myself everday more than once . i fiti everything for depresion . i dont even smile anymore its gotten so bad i dont wanna do anything but be by myself in tha dark i used to lock myself in my room i punch **** all the time.... anways my problemm is i need to get too the docters and get on something because ive been to counslenin and it dosent work .. my mom wont take me unless i have a good rreason to be ive tryed to tell her about this and she wont listen.. i need help ? my problem is gettein to the docter ? how and what do i jus come out and tell them without bein put in a loony bin and how much do meds usauly cost? if i have bluecross bluesheild